PALISADES | PANIC

Ah, the mall ... a place to shop, appreciate the finer uses of plastic, and enjoy a relaxing afternoon. Or not. Recently, dozens of kids at the Palisades engaged in less of a shopping spree and more of a melee—think pepper spray and teens in cuffs. Obviously that’s inexcusable, but plenty of other shopping situations aren’t so black and white. It’s time, my department-store-hopping friends, for a refresher course in mall manners.

Diaper Don’ts: If little Johnny made a stinky, don’t subject everyone to the wafting smell. Even though you may have all the tools in your nifty diaper bag, a bathroom is the only appropriate place for a Huggies switcharoo.

Planting Your Hubby On The Line:
Our loving men can be very helpful when holding a place in the register queue. Just be sure that when they reach the front, you aren’t still in back, mulling over which skirt best flatters your hips.

Auto Stalking: It’s perfectly acceptable to follow an exiting shopper to his car, unless that spot is near a busy entrance. Nothing’s scarier than a harried consumer trapped between one-ton mounds of machinery.

Toddler Timer: How long can you subject kids to a mall before crossing that “cruelty to minors” line? Trick question! If they’re having fun, there’s no time limit. But if they start kickboxing the merchandise, you’d be well advised to get that stroller to a minivan, pronto.

Melissa Leonard is an etiquette coach and mother of two extremely well-behaved children in Harrison, NY. Visit her website at www.establishyourselfNY.com.