Ps and Qs

Teaching Toddlers Good Manners

By Lisa A. Goldstein

The other night after dinner we gave our daughter a rare treat: a cookie we'd purchased that morning at a deli. After taking a few bites, she said to my husband, "Thank you for getting me a cookie, Daddy." He and I looked at each other in pleasant surprise and wordlessly acknowledged the job we've done teaching our daughter good manners.

Indeed, my now 3-year-old daughter is so good at thanking us that if we don't respond with a "you're welcome" she makes sure to thank us again. We can only hope that our infant son will follow in her stead. I don't remember what we did, but it must have started early and involved consistency, two important traits that etiquette experts say to employ.

Why bother teaching our children good manners? An ABC News/World News Tonight poll in 1999 found that people's manners are worse today than they were 20 or 30 years ago. According to the poll, more than eight in 10 Americans say the failure of parents to instruct their children in good behavior is a major cause of bad manners. It's not just adults without children who say this; adults with children in their households are just as likely to share this opinion.

"As much as parents hate to admit it, their children's actions, both good and bad, are a direct reflection on them," says Melissa Leonard, a certified business etiquette and international protocol consultant who has specifically tailored courses for children. She says our children's success in life is directly related to what we instill in them now. "It's never too early to start teaching your child, but sometimes it is too late," she says.

Believe it or not, according to Leonard, there are ways to instill certain principles and manners in your child as early as 6 months. "With a little patience, consistency and practice, you will give your child the tools to help them become well-mannered and respectable teens and adults," says Leonard.

Beginning the journey is easier than you may realize. It all starts with talking to your baby from birth. "Through these earliest interactions, your child begins to develop his sense of self-worth and concept of acceptable social behavior," says Donna Jones, co-founder of an etiquette course for kids and author of Taming Your Family Zoo: Six Weeks to Raising a Well-Mannered Child

Want to see more?

• Got Manners? Teaching Our Children the Golden Rule
• That's Mine! The Difficult Art of Toddler Sharing
• Subscribe to Family Energy magazine
• Talk about it!